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[Poll]
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Should kids have a choice?
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| Should me made to go |
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| Should have a choice |
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| Depends on certain factors |
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Total Votes : 42
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(last vote on : 8/22/2010 1:00:48 AM)
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Should kids have a choice? - 6/17/2010 10:48:05 PM
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CarmenJanes
Posts: 76
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Both my brothers and I disagree on this..
Do you think a child should be made to go to church or should it be his choice?
One brother's son is 11..the other brother's son is 9. Both brothers say they aren't going to make them go if they don't want to. One brother will even take his son home early (divorced) on his way to church if his son don't wanna go.
Please explain your vote...
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/17/2010 10:58:40 PM
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ConsiderHim
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I voted should be made to go. I'm assuming this is a perfect world haha! In a perfect family both parents would be going to the same church and therefore all the children would be going... want to or not want to.
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"For consider Him that endured such contradiction of sinners against Himself, least ye be wearied and faint in your minds." Heb. 12:3
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/17/2010 11:08:57 PM
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CarmenJanes
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That's the thing..for the one who goes home on early Sunday mornings...his mom doesn't go to church anywhere. I just can't believe my brother will take him home early on HIS way to church just cuz the kid don't wanna go that week. I mean...he usually goes, but sometimes he just don't want to and my brother won't make him.
The other brother doesn't go anywhere really. When he does go he goes with us. Sometimes when I ask him to go he'll ask his son...if his son says no, he'll tell me "nah..not this week "so and so" don't wanna go"
Who is the parent here? Who runs the house? Apparently the kids..
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 12:15:26 AM
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luvsrickforever
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We always went to church with my mom and dad. However, they are both married so the split up thing wasn't a problem with us. Some of my friends in my school, it was Catholic, used to say they wanted to go to church with their friends and they would either never go in or sneak out and go have fun somewhere else. We don't have bible classes for the kids. No room, so if you went, you sat through the whole mass with your family or whoever you went with.
I voted you should be forced to go but not forced. Made to go. I don't like the way forced sounds. I think it also depends on the age. Up until a certain age a kid can't be home alone anyway, right but if dad doesn't want to go, then son doesn't have to go either.
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Gail
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 1:58:53 AM
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deermousie
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Should it be a kid's choice if they want to taste all those pesticides and cleaners under the sink?
No.
We know that church is part of not forsaking the assembling together of the saints, and we are commanded to be there. Our kids need the teaching there, especially if they aren't getting much from us or the other parent (that can be remedied - get your Bible out and read to them every night they're in the house). We are commanded to raise our children in the faith.
The kids don't get a choice about what vaccinations they get, either, because (thank God) they've never seen fatal diseases. They can't make an informed choice.
They don't know about who God is, what the Bible is, who the devil is, who they are, how Jesus died to save them, etc. on their own. Bathe 'em, dress 'em, cart them to church, and be part of the worship and teaching in God's courtroom.
Just from what you've said, it looks like your brothers are failing as fathers. You might want to give them copies of Doug Wilson's "Federal Husband" - it could change their lives.
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People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 9:32:13 AM
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stampinlady
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Because God said so !
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There is no "cosmic dog whislte. It's gonna be loud folks !!!
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 9:35:51 AM
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CarmenJanes
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DeerMousie..that's kinda what I told him too. I said "so if he tells you he don't wanna go to school you gonna let him stay home from that too? Technically..isn't their salvation more important than school?" He didn't have an answer for me.
Tinkerbell..I think you are right. My brother doesn't want to be the bad guy with his son. So when he don't wanna go it's easier to take him home to mom rather than make him go.
ConsiderHim...I also agree with you about other brother. He just don't wanna go in the first place so he uses his kid as an excuse. BUT...sometimes I'll just ask if I can take his son. He'll ask him if he wants to go, he'll say no and brother says "nah..he don't want to" REALLY? He should just tell him to get your shoes on..your aunt is picking you up for church!
They both say our mom made us go as kids and they don't wanna force their kids to go. But we didn't turn out so bad. I'm glad my mom made me go. There were days I was whiney and didn't want to, but I didn't have a choice.
I just don't understand why some parents let their kids call the shots.
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 9:38:30 AM
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aprilshowers12
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If it is a divorce situation, then I don't know what I would do because I am not in that situation. I can only say what I do in my home. My kids are required to come to church with us even if they spend the night with a friend on Saturday, we pick them up in the mornings. They understand this and plan for it. When their friends spend the night with us, we invite them to come to church, if they do not want to join us their parents pick them up before we leave.
I think divorced parents try really hard to please their kids because they are feeling guilty for the pain they have caused them. They are trying to "make it up" to them by not enforcing rules, etc. Is this the right course of action? No. But if we have not walked a mile in those shoes we should not cast stones.
Maybe offering empathy to the brother about the situation. The sons don't want to go, why? Do they not like that church? or church at all? If it is that church then maybe try a different church. If it is because they are against church as a whole then maybe they could ease into church, saying one week you are here we will go but the next we won't. Then we will add weeks. The weeks we go to church and you have an acceptable attitude we will have lunch out before I take you home. Then at lunch talk about what the son liked or disliked about the message, music, etc. Try to find out why he is opposed to going to church. A change of churches my be in order. My son was very iffy with our old church but when we changed in the fall his whole attitude changed. He is involved, engaged and happy. He loves the youth group and goes to activites and for the first time ever he is going to camp on his own request.
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 9:46:37 AM
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CarmenJanes
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For brother who takes his son home first..I don't think it's the church. I know his teacher and she says he has a lot of fun. He does the children's church during our service. He always comes down with fun stories and tells us what they did. He seems to love it when he goes.
For brother who don't go to church. When his son does go..he's very shy and won't meet new people so he refuses to go to children's church. He sits with us during the service. He gets restless and ask 100 times when it's over. I keep telling him if he'd do children's church he'd have so much fun and it would be better than sitting with us. Besides I don't think he learns much with us. He needs to be taught at his level in my opinion.
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 9:50:12 AM
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stellaluna
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I'm torn on this one. Single-digit kids, of course. With teens, it can sometimes backfire. I don't necessarily think that means they shouldn't be made to attend church with the family, but I think youth leaders should be allowed to exclude unbelieving teens from some activities. I think it would be reasonable on this forum to believe that parents are raising their kids in the faith and most of those kids are becoming born again pretty early and it wouldn't be an issue. But some months back we had a youth leader posting here about a situation in which he wanted to restrict an activity that way and got a lot of pushback from parents. I don't know... I guess I'm just thinking "out loud." Maybe my stance is that it is not unreasonable to expect a child of any age to attend services as part of the family, but maybe not church extra-curriculars.
In divorce situations, I think this tends to be an area that never gets addressed in the final agreements and it should. Some of it will depend on the visitation schedule of the non-custodial parent, but I think if I was divorced with kids I'd try to work something out (even after the fact) and have it put in writing so that both parents are on the same plan and beyond that do the best you can.
I don't think the salvation of children comes from the church, though. I think that's on the parents and church is supplemental.
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 9:54:32 AM
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CarmenJanes
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
quote:
I don't think the salvation of children comes from the church, though. I think that's on the parents and church is supplemental
True....but you get what I was trying to say don't ya?
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 9:56:05 AM
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aprilshowers12
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quote:
Besides I don't think he learns much with us. He needs to be taught at his level in my opinion.
My children never went to children's church, our old church never had it. They learned just fine. When we had discussion over lunch they talked with us about what the pastor taught, if they had questions we answered them. My youngest child began coming into church with us at 3, the older two at 5.
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 9:57:29 AM
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stellaluna
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Yes, but I just don't think a good argument is not taking a child to church endangers their salvation.
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 10:33:45 AM
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KaptZ
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Yes. Until they're 18 they go. They're on their own after that.
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 10:40:10 AM
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doinkdom
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You as the parent are helping your child develop habits and disciplines for their life. Going to church is part of being a member of a household of faith.
IMO...a critical teaching point from parents to children is for their children to see the authority of God in the parents lives. God has given authority to parents with their children so that the children have an understanding of "proper" authority in their lives.
I understand teaching little Johnny to make his own decisions and experiencing the consequences for those decisions (good or bad). However, I think that as believers we should firmly encourage our children in the ways of the Lord. I'm NOT talking about fighting over it or having a long drawn out discussion about it. I am talking about being firm..."we're going to church this morning, no exceptions" and not allowing the attitude of an 11 year old to hinder that or cause discontent within your family.
You are the parent. Be unified in your marriage and walk out that unity in parenting.
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 10:54:25 AM
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Auben
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It depends.
Often there is something else going on...within the family, at the church, etc. I think parents need to take that into account when choosing a church. And when a child isn't comfortable with a church its a longer conversation then 'forget that, you're going.'
A child also needs to be taught how to access teaching using their interests and learning strengths. Drawing. Writing poetry or commentary. Reading. Singing. Movement. Most people are not comfortable sitting and listening. Learning means being engaged. How a person engages differs from person to person.
Once additional factors are taken into account then compassion is in order. "You don't feel like going? I feel like that sometimes. But most of the time I feel better when I'm there. Let's give it a try and we'll talk about it over lunch at _____ afterward, ok?"
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Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 10:54:36 AM
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CarmenJanes
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AprilShowers12...I'm not saying children's church is the only way. Every kid is different, but when my nephew squirms, doesn't listen, and asks 100 times when it's over..I think he should try it. You want your kids to want to come to church and if all he's doing is wishing it to be over..I think there needs to be another option for them. But again...every kid and every situation is different. I understand that....
Auben..I think most kids don't like church cuz it's like school. You gotta be still and listen.
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 11:11:37 AM
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aprilshowers12
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CarmenJanes
AprilShowers12...I'm not saying children's church is the only way. Every kid is different, but when my nephew squirms, doesn't listen, and asks 100 times when it's over..I think he should try it. You want your kids to want to come to church and if all he's doing is wishing it to be over..I think there needs to be another option for them. But again...every kid and every situation is different. I understand that....
The thing is when he is in children's church the parents have no idea what he is doing. Is he sitting alone doing? Is he sitting there doing the same thing wishing it is over 100 times? (Because you know what that is what my son did in SS for 2 years before we left our old church, I just never knew. He told me after we left that he was miserable, that the kids were not nice that they talked nasty, etc and the teacher just kept teaching. He never corrected the offending boys.) At least in church with his parent he has his dad with him, isn't that part of the point of visitation and church for the parent to teach the child?
To me my child's faith and religious upbringing is my job no the Sunday school teacher's or the pastor's. I would not let that go especially if the child is uncomfortable. Now, if my child grew up in that church and was being difficult for no reason that is different. As I said earlier, I would try to find the reason these nephews (the parent not you as the aunt) are opposed to going rather than forcing them. If the parents don't want to force them then all you can really do is pray for both of them.
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 11:48:13 AM
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CarmenJanes
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As I said before..I know the oldest nephew's teacher. Youngest nephew doesn't go. She is a school teacher as well. She knows how to deal with these kids. She says he does great. He participates in discussions and has friends. If you can trust your kid's school teacher to have them 40 hrs a week..I think one hour with a SS teacher is just fine.
But that's not what this is about. When children's church is mentioned on here some people freak out. I don't know why...
This is about should a child have a choice to go to church or not.
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 11:58:43 AM
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CarmenJanes
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I think for most kids it just boils down to not being in a structured enviorment. Doesn't matter if it's children's church or the adult church. It's just like school..they don't want to sit still, they don't want to learn, they don't want to pay attention, they don't want to listen, they don't want to be told what to do. Ask a kid why they don't like school. Church is kinda the same thing isn't it? I think that is the situation with my two nephews.
Let me ask you this...the nephew that doesn't go to church. When I call asking to take him and he says no (he's 9 and prolly only been to church 5 times his whole life) Should my brother let him make that decision or should he make him come with me? Brother isn't against church..he (like a lot of people) just don't like it.
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RE: Should kids have a choice? - 6/18/2010 12:17:05 PM
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jaimestarcross
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My friend faced this same drama in NC when her marriage ended and she was raising her two sons.
The older one said to her one Saturday night "Mom, I don't want to go to church any more."
She responded -- "Son you don't have to go".
He said "Really? I don't ever have to go to church again?"
His mom: That's right.
Conversation ends son is happy and goes to bed that night.
Sunday morning. Breakfast.
Older son is still happy -- his mom get out the bibles and states "It's time for bible lessons" and gives him one of the bibles.
Son looks surprised... "What do you mean bible lessons, you said I don't have to go to church mom!"
"That's true" she replies but that has nothing to do with you not doing bible lessons, devotions, praying and singing praises songs.
"You don't have to go to the church building but you will be taught the word of God and he will be honored in this home."
Her son says "Mom, I'd rather go to church with you guys."
He's been going ever since.
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"A world of nice people, content in their own niceness, looking no further, turned away from God, would be just as desperately in need of salvation as a miserable world---and might be even more difficult to save."
C.S. Lewis
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