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Certain topics at certain times - 7/26/2010 11:26:45 PM
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MissInnocent
Posts: 279
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The conversation boundaries thread and a personal drama prompted me to ask this.
Are there certain times certain subjects should not be talked about?
Long story short not all of my family agree politically. Christmas Eve some relatives were fussing about Obama, McCain and the war. Some of what they said I even agreed with. Not all but some. However it dawned on me...this is Christmas Eve we should be celebrating Jesus' birth not fussing about the govt. I....not so kindly pointed out that fact and the subject was change. Okay I admit the way I got the subject to change was harsh. BUT It's been 7 mos and one of the ppl brought it up and is apparently still upset with me over it. But was I wrong in thinking the were being ridiculous? Of all days to fuss about the government. Instead thank God for sending Jesus and pray for the troops and their family. Also pray God leads all the political leaders. Granted we should have that attitude everyday. This person seems to think I am not concerned about the country. I am. But I don't obsess over it and think anything can be accomplished by fussing about it.
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/27/2010 8:27:29 AM
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Samsonite12
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Use discernment and wisdom, both of which come from God, to determine what is right or wrong to say. Even simple things like talking about how you are wearing your grandmother's bracelet to one of your friends could be destructive if that friend was abused by that person or they really loved them and are dealing with their recent death, not yet ready to talk about it. (Extreme example, I know, but it shows how contextual these things could be)
This question is contextual, but yes there are certain times that certain things should be talked about. Use discernment to tell, and as humans we will not always make the right decision. Like in my above example, the girl with the bracelet had no idea of the context she was in.
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/27/2010 9:13:12 AM
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gralan
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One of the big problems we have is that Christians still have worldly minds, which is why we are in the process of sanctification and the renewing of our minds. As new creations, as we live and learn in Him, we think more like Jesus thinks. And because the Holy Spirit who indwells us is the same who indwelt Jesus in his Incarnation, we share a connection with God.
It is easy though, believe it, to base our decisions on the older equipment (of the old nature). The world reinforces the old nature opinions and awareness. Politics is an area that this is seen very clearly.
We should always be ready to redirect our minds and focus upon God and God's will. We should always be ready to accept what the Bible really says, such as to submit ourselves one to another out of love. I've rarely had, say person-A, who was absorbed by worldly politics show me about godly submitting; although person-A will most likely demand everyone submit to their own understanding of worldly politics.
quote:
ORIGINAL: MissInnocent
The conversation boundaries thread and a personal drama prompted me to ask this.
Are there certain times certain subjects should not be talked about?
Long story short not all of my family agree politically. Christmas Eve some relatives were fussing about Obama, McCain and the war. Some of what they said I even agreed with. Not all but some. However it dawned on me...this is Christmas Eve we should be celebrating Jesus' birth not fussing about the govt. I....not so kindly pointed out that fact and the subject was change. Okay I admit the way I got the subject to change was harsh. BUT It's been 7 mos and one of the ppl brought it up and is apparently still upset with me over it. But was I wrong in thinking the were being ridiculous? Of all days to fuss about the government. Instead thank God for sending Jesus and pray for the troops and their family. Also pray God leads all the political leaders. Granted we should have that attitude everyday. This person seems to think I am not concerned about the country. I am. But I don't obsess over it and think anything can be accomplished by fussing about it.
_____________________________
suffering servant, gralan,
BTh student TGSAT
//TrinityTheology.org/
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The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever...
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/27/2010 10:11:44 AM
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bolt.
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I don't think you had a right to be telling other adults what they should or should not be talking about. It's rude, bossy and disrespectful. You decide what you talk about. They each decide what they talk about. That's what it means to be in a room full of adults you respect.
You can rebuke other adults for their behaviour if it hurts others, or if it is sin (only if you are Church with them).
_____________________________
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/27/2010 10:20:45 AM
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Elena1030
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
I don't think you had a right to be telling other adults what they should or should not be talking about. It's rude, bossy and disrespectful. You decide what you talk about. They each decide what they talk about. That's what it means to be in a room full of adults you respect.
You can rebuke other adults for their behaviour if it hurts others, or if it is sin (only if you are Church with them).
Yep.
MissInnocent:
Remember: some people enjoy political, philosophical debates and the intensity that sometimes happens. That's not wrong. It's just not your preference. And that's OK too. But they don't have to stop their discussion. And you don't have to be involved in it.
A better way to handle such situations is to leave the room. Find another conversation to take part in. Or go help with a chore. Or grab your book and go read. (I like to take some quiet leisure activity with me to family gatherings, just in case there's a lull and I'm not interested in whatever else is going on.)
And if things really get under your skin, go for a walk. Or leave altogether (after making a polite goodbye).
_____________________________
"I like to stride, not mince." -- Maggie
Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/27/2010 10:35:37 AM
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Simway
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Be as tactful as you can. It's not easy to limit what can and can't be talked about. but give it a try,. Others may like it if you limit what is and isn't acceptable especially if it's in your home.
Simway
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/27/2010 10:40:29 AM
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Kat_D
Posts: 2051
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MissInnocent
The conversation boundaries thread and a personal drama prompted me to ask this.
Are there certain times certain subjects should not be talked about?
Long story short not all of my family agree politically. Christmas Eve some relatives were fussing about Obama, McCain and the war. Some of what they said I even agreed with. Not all but some. However it dawned on me...this is Christmas Eve we should be celebrating Jesus' birth not fussing about the govt. I....not so kindly pointed out that fact and the subject was change. Okay I admit the way I got the subject to change was harsh. BUT It's been 7 mos and one of the ppl brought it up and is apparently still upset with me over it. But was I wrong in thinking the were being ridiculous? Of all days to fuss about the government. Instead thank God for sending Jesus and pray for the troops and their family. Also pray God leads all the political leaders. Granted we should have that attitude everyday. This person seems to think I am not concerned about the country. I am. But I don't obsess over it and think anything can be accomplished by fussing about it.
Okay, let's put the shoe on the other foot:
Let's say on Christmas Eve at your family gathering, you and some of your relatives are "talking about Jesus' birth, thanking God for sending Jesus, praying for the troops and their families, and praying for the political leaders of our country."
All of a sudden one of your more political family members "not so kindly" interrupts your conversation to point out that you and your relatives have their heads in the clouds and need to get back to reality. Then he "harshly" says the subject this Christmas Eve should be "Obama, McCain and the war"...because he doesn't want to "obsess" about Jesus.
How would that have made you feel?
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/27/2010 10:40:41 AM
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jn1010lf
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Hello MissInnocent
I suppose the closer we are to people, the more honest we become. Family certainly fits in that group of close people.
Your response to the conversation you didn't like could have been a case of righteous indignation. So don't put yourself under condemnation. People that are not into Christ raise such things all the time.
So stick to your guns. Christmas is a time to reflect on Jesus' birthday, a time in which God sent His Son to bring peace to all.
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/27/2010 10:51:34 AM
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Gigem08
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I probably would have said something along the lines of
"Seriously, we're going to argue about this on Christmas? Can we PLEASE talk about something else?!?! Besides, that's still my boss you're talking about." (I'm an Army Officer and President Obama signed my commission.)
If family gets upset then they get upset but I don't feel you were being unreasonable to not want to argue politics on Christmas.
Of course if a couple of people are quietly discussing politics, leave them alone but if the conversation is becoming the focal point of the evening I feel you had every right to express your distaste for the topic. Tact is a good thing and should be used as often as possible but some people just don't respond or won't listen unless you REALLY get their attention.
_____________________________
Jonathan S. Wilder
I only ask that you be real...
(Me)
(Please call me Jonathan, THANKS!)
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/27/2010 11:19:13 AM
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jaimestarcross
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quote:
Christmas Eve some relatives were fussing about Obama, McCain and the war. Some of what they said I even agreed with. Not all but some.
*When you say fussing are you meaning that things were heated and the conversation was no longer a matter of friendly exchange?
If this is what you meant by fussing... I don't see a problem in changing the conversation, however, do use tact to accomplish that next time. Apologize to the offended relative for being harsh.
I always felt a sense of dread when my relatives came to visit us during my childhood because nine times out of ten they would start heated fusses about the said topic and then came ungodly language etc.... then we would be on the "outs" with them because they expected us (my parents) to always agree with them.
_____________________________
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"A world of nice people, content in their own niceness, looking no further, turned away from God, would be just as desperately in need of salvation as a miserable world---and might be even more difficult to save."
C.S. Lewis
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/27/2010 12:24:06 PM
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BelleWeather
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I don't see why you can't change the subject without expressing your reasons for steering the conversation in another direction.
Being rude to your family doesn't glorify Christmas Eve either.
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Eddie Valiant: You don't know how hard it is being a man looking at a woman looking the way you do.
Jessica Rabbit: I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/27/2010 4:49:55 PM
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MissInnocent
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Well the thing is we were supposed to be on our way to another relative's home for dinner. My mom and I were ready and just waiting on the others to get ready. We were running late we were hungry. They knew we were being expected. I just don't get why this person waited 7 mos to tell me I hurt their feelings. But then again these same people also went behind my back and told lies about me. So really I'm just done with their drama.
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/27/2010 4:54:30 PM
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Elena1030
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From: Music City, USA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MissInnocent
I just don't get why this person waited 7 mos to tell me I hurt their feelings. But then again these same people also went behind my back and told lies about me. So really I'm just done with their drama.
Ah, well, that is a whole other kettle of fish! Yikes!
Yep, I can see the temptation to kinda snap at them... if this (see above) is just par for the course of how things go in your family with certain individuals.
I think you are wise to know your limits and to avoid situations in which you're more likely to choose not to watch your tone in your responses/reactions. It's one way to keep the peace, as much as it is up to you (see Romans 12:18).
_____________________________
"I like to stride, not mince." -- Maggie
Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/27/2010 6:00:25 PM
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MissInnocent
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Elena1030
quote:
ORIGINAL: MissInnocent
I just don't get why this person waited 7 mos to tell me I hurt their feelings. But then again these same people also went behind my back and told lies about me. So really I'm just done with their drama.
Ah, well, that is a whole other kettle of fish! Yikes!
Yep, I can see the temptation to kinda snap at them... if this (see above) is just par for the course of how things go in your family with certain individuals.
I think you are wise to know your limits and to avoid situations in which you're more likely to choose not to watch your tone in your responses/reactions. It's one way to keep the peace, as much as it is up to you (see Romans 12:18).
I pray peace and reconciliation comes to pass but the ball's in their court. They need to look in the mirror and see their flaws. I am owning up to mine.
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/27/2010 6:38:21 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 3884
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I wouldn't say if you were "right" or "wrong" to stop the conversation, but I will say being tactful is never wrong. IMO. Being tactless is usually wrong. IMO.
_____________________________
Arrogance boasts. Confidence is quiet, it has no need to boast.
Wisdom from an email I received a few days ago.
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/28/2010 12:09:51 PM
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CarmenJanes
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Maybe it upset you so much because they were saying things you didn't agree with. Do you belong to the same policitcal party? Would it have upset you so much if they were complaining about the person you DIDN'T vote for? Something to consider.....
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/28/2010 1:29:19 PM
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MissInnocent
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Some of the things they had to say I DID agree with. But it suddenly dawned on me. Wait it's Christmas Eve this isn't the time to whine but to celebrate. And as I said in another post we were expected at another relative's home and were running late. My mom and I were ready and just waiting for them to get in gear.
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/28/2010 1:45:19 PM
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deermousie
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Hungry people are more irritable and less likely to be walking in the Spirit  (But it's a good time to check ourselves to see how mature we actually are, when comfort is stripped away).
That said, we all need to give each other grace, and to keep a grudge going for 7 months is the opposite of grace.
You were a little harsh, and that's not a big deal. We all occasionally stick our foot in it thoughtlessly, even when our motives are good.
They, on the other hand, are holding on to their anger, and that's a red flag they're pampering their sin. Pray for them and hold a knife to your throat when you're around them because they aren't gracious and now you know better who they are.
Edit: we can pick our friends but not our family
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/28/2010 4:37:58 PM
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MissInnocent
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Amen on the last part deermousie. I'm also annoyed that this person told me to get over my childhood issues when they still obviously harbor bitterness about theirs. If it's one thing I can't stand it's hypocrisy. I'm not perfect but I do my best to not be a hypocrite.
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RE: Certain topics at certain times - 7/30/2010 8:14:45 AM
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CarmenJanes
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Maybe you coulda just said "I'm hungry...can ya'll talk about this in the car"
I'm sure by the time they got ready and made their way to the car the subject woulda been changed. You have to be tactful about the way you say things. Being harsh isn't going to get you anywhere.
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That's how we celebrate out time together...we eat, drink, argue and then hug each other with the promise we'll see each other the next time around. 
Vinegar!!!!
